


Phantom Memes

by cakeengland, Kirbygirl81



Series: Memefics [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Multi, akira you're a meme, at some point ann and ryuji have to explain hickeys to morgana, churches are supposed to be holy don't do this ryuji, haru that's gay x18, inari everyone knows you're dating akira, neck kisses, ryuji gets cockblocked a lot, star male symbol dollar sign, what is morgana's typing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cakeengland/pseuds/cakeengland, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbygirl81/pseuds/Kirbygirl81
Summary: Ever wondered what the Phantom Thieves text about when they're not discussing their double lives? I have one word for you.Memes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a clusterfuck of memes by myself and two of my friends, Mememura and Ryugay. We sincerely hope you enjoy our memes.
> 
> -Author Akira, the only normal one (jk jk I'm as weird as the other two)

**Akira:** Hello I am ☆♂$.

 **Haru:** Honestly? Same.

 **Morgana:** lsbgiLBSK

 **Ryuji:** the hells that effin cat saying

 **Haru:** Let Ryuji say fuck 2k17

 **Ryuji:** no never

 **Ann:** Hey.

 **Morgana:** L;ADDAY AANNS

 **Ryuji:** i agree with the cat for once

 **Ryuji:** i mean what

 **Yusuke:** You’re all a disappointment.

 **Makoto:** I’m guessing aside from Akira?

_Akira is typing…_

**Yusuke:** Why would you think that?

 **Haru:** You’re obviously highkey gay for Akira.

 **Akira:** Excuse you I sexually identify as ☆♂$ my pronouns are star and dollar please respect them.

 **Yusuke:** ...nope, he’s also a disappointment.

 **Haru:** Whatever you say yusugay

 **Yusuke:** What.

 **Akira** has changed their display name to **☆♂$.**

 **Yusugay:** I’m disappointed.

 **Yusugay:** FUTABA.

 **Futaba:** *whistles*

 **☆♂$:** Aww your new name fits you yusugay!

 **Makoto:** You know what else would fit?

 **Makoto:** Ryugay.

 **Ryuji:** excuse u i am ‘effin straight bitch

 **Haru:** Are you really?

 **Ann:** Well, he’s straighter than Yusuke.

 **Yusugay:** I’m not gay.

 **☆♂$:** Yusugay?

 **Yusugay:** Yes?

 **☆♂$:** One

 **☆♂$:** You responded to Yusugay

 **☆♂$:** Two

 **☆♂$:** Babe you’re really gay

 **Yusugay:** Oh for fuck’s sake-

 **Yusugay** has changed their display name to **Yusudone.**

 **☆♂$:** I liked yusugay better

 **Ryuji:** yusugay and yyustraight

 **Ryuji:** RYUSTRAIGHT*

 **☆♂$:** yes yusugay is the gay not the straight

 **☆♂$:** isn’t that right babe

 **Yusudone:** Goodbye.

 **Yusudone** has left the conversation.

 **☆♂$** has added **Yusudone** to the conservation.

 **Yusudone** has left the conversation.

 **☆♂$** has added **Yusudone** to the conservation.

 **Yusudone** has left the conversation.

 **☆♂$** has added **Yusudone** to the conservation.

 **Yusudone:** I give up.

 **☆♂$:** I love you too.

 **Haru:** G a y.

 **Makoto:** You are too.

 **Haru:** What are you gonna do? Arrest me?

 **Makoto:** … Come to our room, and maybe.

 **Ann:** Get a room.

 **Haru:** ;D

 **Ryuji:** thats gay

 **Ann:** And you aren’t?

 **Morgana:** LaDssyu ANSS I coulde be yumoru giboyfriend

 **Ryuji:** im throwing him into an ‘effin sign

 **☆♂$:** Haven’t you done that already?

 **Yusugay:** If you don’t change it back I’m br

 **Haru:** Br??

 **Haru:** Yusugay do you have something to tell us

 **Yusugay** has left the conversation.

 **☆♂$:** Let’s let him bre-- brb.

 **Morgana:** tHEY’RE Ascsreamnuigdsg

 **Ann:** I think he means screaming…?

 **Morgana:** Yesdsa Ladadfsay Anns thanawky youy

 **Ryuji:** hey

 **Ryuji:** hey ann?

 **Ann:** Yes?

 **Ryuji:** would you wanna go out??

 **Ryuji:** jkk lol

 **Ann:** Hm… Nice joke, but if you were to ask me out, I’d probably say yes.

 **Ann:** Oh, sorry, I have a photoshoot to go to. Bye!

 **Ryuji:** WAIT WHAT ANN NO COME BAC,,,,

 **Haru:** In the aaaaaarms of the aaaaangels

 **Ryuji:** go back to ‘effin your gf

 **Haru:** Gladly ;)

 **Makoto:** Fun fact about Haru.

 **Makoto:** She-  
  
**Haru:** AND I’M GOING TO LOCK HER PHONE AWAY GOODBYE

* * *

Haru struggled to put Makoto’s phone on the top shelf of the cabinets, nearly falling as she finally placed it down. “There! Now you can’t say anything!” she turned, sitting on the counter, sticking her tongue out at Makoto.

“Haru, darling, I can literally get on the counter and grab it with ease.” A hint of a smile crossed Makoto’s expression.

“Hmph, well you’re gonna have to move me from the counter first!”

“Gladly.” A smirk appeared on the brunette’s face as she strolled over to the counter.

* * *

 **Futaba:** I went to the kitchen and I didn’t need to see Haru and Makoto making out.

 **☆♂$:** Speaking of making out in the kitchen guess what Yusugay and I were just doing?

 **Ryuji:** That’s gay

 **Morgana** : HuUSADMASFN SAEASRE so weird

 **Ann:** Hey, I’m back! I have ten minutes before the nex-- That’s gay, Akira.

 **☆♂$:** First of all

 **☆♂$:** ☆♂$

 **☆♂$:** second of all

 **☆♂$:** thanks I know

 **☆♂$** has added **Yusugay** to the conservation.

 **Ann:** Anyways. I have ten minutes until my next shoot. Anyone wanna grab coffee after?

 **Ryuji:** ME

 **Ryuji:** i mean me totally yeah lets go

 **Ann:** I’ll swing by your apartment.

 **☆♂$:** Just don’t come to LeBlanc.

 **Futaba:** Can nobody go to LeBlanc?

 **Yusugay:** Just… Don’t.

 **☆♂$:** We’re making ou-

 **Yusugay:** NO PHONE FOR YOU.

 **Haru:** That’s fucking gaaaaay.

 **Ryuji:** you are too

 **Morgana:** Id dontot udnerstand why hhuamnsn chsoee puibci places to snhwo3w their avfecvetion for eoee anohter

 **Yusugay:** MORGANA SHUT UP.

 **Ryuji:** lol suffer

 **Futaba:** owo

 **Futaba:** I’m sorry, Haru stole my phone.

 **Yusugay** has changed his display name to **Yusuke.**

 **Futaba:** Nope.

 **Yusugay:** Wha- Hey!

 **☆♂$:** Futaba stop bullying my bf

 **☆♂$:** I mean it’s not a lie but like

 **Futaba:** It’s funny to see him frustrated.

 **Yusugay** has changed his display name to **YusuKE.**

 **Futaba:** Lol no

 **Yusugay:** Did you seriously…?

 **Futaba:** Yes.

 **Haru:** nani the f u c K

 **☆♂$:** stop bullying my precious fox babe

 **Yusugay:** I’m suffering. Also, Akira, that’s gay.

 **☆♂$:** not as gay as your fine self ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yusugay** has kicked **☆♂$** from the conversation.

 **Yusugay:** Nobody add him back. I’m going to do some schoolwork, goodbye.

 **Haru:** Quick! Add him back :0

 **Yusugay:** What did I just say?

* * *

 

“I’m just ‘schoolwork’ now?” Akira threw a sly glance at his boyfriend.

“Apparently so,” Yusuke chuckled quietly. The slightest hint of a smile appeared on his face. “Though, truly, you deserve it. I am trying to keep our relationship on the downlow.”

“Well, _excuse me_ for wanting to show affection!” Akira pouted, crossing his arms childishly.

“The others don’t need to know,” the fox answered, pecking the nasty crime boy’s cheek. “Futaba and Haru would go crazy.”

“Oh weeeeeell, let them.” Akira pulled Yusuke closer to him, leaving a light kiss on his neck. A deep sigh of contentment left the artist, wrapping one arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “I love you, Yusuke.”

“I love you too, Akira.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Ann:** Did anyone ever add Akira back?

**Mememura** has added  **Gay** **™** to the conversation.

**Yusuke:** ...Akira, that’s somehow worse than star male symbol dollar sign.

**Makoto:** … Haru, I’m disappointed.

**Mememura:** Idk I mean what’s there to be disappointed about?

**Gay** **™:** Aww cmon Inari you know you love me.

**Mememura:** Yusuke you love her

**Mememura:** him* fuck me gently with a chainsaw

**Makoto:** Yusuke wouldn’t like Akira half as much if he were a girl.

**Morgana:** wHhYDFA nOT?AF

**Ryuji:** youre an effin cat shut the eff up

**Morgana:** I SDMAFM NZOTR A CATR

**Ann:** “I am not a cat”?

**Ryuji:** you’re a god damn cat o h m y g o d

**Morgana:** KI[PMNMJGIOGHING TIO JKUKKYU UIO INY IOUR SLEEO

**Ann:** Even I don’t know what that says.

**Gay** **™:** “I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”

**Ryuji:** come at me!!

**Morgana:** YOU’RE GONG5 TON DIE4 ETONIGHYT ABITCH

**Ryuji:** come at me bitch you a re a c a t

**Ann:** Okay, that’s enough, let’s not fight.

**Morgana:** yesd lsasfyaY ASANN

**Ryuji:** only for you ♥

**Mememura:** Ryuji that’s hetero.

**Ryuji:** i am hetero so of course its hetero

**Mememura:** You’re at least 1% gay.

**Mememura:** For Akira.

**Yusuke:** WHAT.

**Yusuke:** I mean.

**Yusuke:** What?

**Ryuji:** at least you didnt ‘effin say akechi

**Ryuji:** i would have smacked a car

**Ryuji:** cat*

**Ryuji:** ill slap morgana there

**Morgana:** MWEWORW SWHUISSDS

**Ann:** “Meow hiss”

**Makoto:** Does anyone want to go to Mementos later?

**Gay** **™:** Sure, we have a bunch of requests from Mishima anyway.

* * *

They’d ventured further into Mementos than they’d actually needed to. Fox stuck close to Joker, out of an unconscious instinct to protect his boyfriend. The Shadows were getting tougher and tougher as they went deeper and deeper, as was typical.

However, never had any of the Shadows put them in a potentially fatal zone.

There had been close calls, certainly. Panther had almost gone down to a Shadow that was quite fond of Ice attacks (Skull quickly took care of the Shadow after that).

But nothing,  _ nothing  _ compared to what had just happened to Joker.

A scream of fury and worry was torn from Fox’s throat. Goemon was summoned, a Mabufula spell taking out the enemies swiftly. He fell to his knees, gloved hands trying to staunch the flow of blood from Joker’s stomach. His leader groaned weakly, barely conscious.

The other Phantom Thieves swarmed around them. There was a swirl of green light and the terrible wound began to heal. He figured it was a Diarama spell from Mona, but right now, Fox couldn’t care less. The strain of his body being forced to heal had pushed Joker into unconsciousness.

Gathering his boyfriend in his arms, Fox suggested, with a choked voice, that they should head back. Nobody was idiotic enough to argue, not even Skull. They clambered into the Morganamobile, Fox cradling Joker as Queen began to drive back to the entrance faster than she ever had before.

“Please wake up, Joker…”

* * *

**Mememura:** so, after all that excitement

**Mememura:** Makoto looks fine ;)))))

**Makoto:** Haru, hush.

**Makoto:** Are you not worried for Akira? He took a direct blow to the stomach.

**Ryuji:** eh, the cat patched him up with diarama, he'll be fine

**Mememura:** he's gonna be fiiiiiiine.

**Mememura:** but like

**Mememura:** im not because holy shit ive got a fiiiiiine gf

**Makoto:** Haru, no, that’s gay.

**Mememura:** Well it sure as hell isn't hetero, Makoto.

**Gay** **™:** isn't being gay the point though

**Makoto:** Well, if you're well enough to text memes, I guess I can't argue that we should be worried about you.

**Gay** **™:** yup

**Ryuji:** are ann and i the only straight ones here?

**Morgana:** i';MAd STYR\GGHJT

**Ryuji:** u dont count

**Ann:** Who said I was straight?

**Ryuji:** w h a t

**Futaba:** In the arms of the angels.

**Morgana:** Ryuuis gonana di3e alw9en

**Ryuji:** excuse me i will n o t

**Ryuji:** Akira help your broslice out

**Gay** **™:** sorry I only help gays *winky face at Yusugay*

**Yusuke:** ...I don't know you.

**Ryuji:** guys im suffering

**Ann:** I never said I was lesbian specifically.

**Ryuji:** wat

**Mememura:** Ooo maybe Ryuji can actually get some!

**Ann:** Haru, no, be quiet.

**Gay** **™:** wink wonk go get some Ryuji

**Morgana:** hoaqdeaqf DADWET EUOUU LASDADFYA Szann  IS MINWE

**Ann:** ...what?

**Gay** **™:** "how dare you lady ann is mine"

**Ryuji:** you're not human morgana

**Morgana:** fcucjd off

**Ryuji:** anyways so uh... ann, wanna grab somethin to eat?

**Ann:** Sure, sounds great!

**Mememura:** now kiss

**Ann:** What?

**Makoto:** You heard her, kiss.

**Ryuji:** guys we're getting food not going to prom

**Futaba:** You may as well be. The romantic tension between the two of you has reached a high lately.

**Futaba:** I am not certain how, as as a member of the opposite sex, I sense no appeal from Ryuji.

**Makoto:** Futaba, you're gay.

**Futaba:** ;)

**Gay** **™:** there's also that sexual tension  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Ryuji:** akira go sin elsewhere

**Gay** **™:** with pleasure

**Gay** **™:** yusuke?

**Yusuke:** ...Akira, I am trying to paint.

**Mememura:** in the arrrmsss of the angeeels

**Ryuji:** akira just got effin' cockblocked

**Gay** **™:** ;-;

**Gay** **™:** blocked and reported

**Makoto:** By painting, of all the things.

**Yusuke:** Is there something wrong with that?

**Ryuji:** nah, you're just cockblocking your bf

**Ryuji:** now uh ann, what time do you wanna get food btw??

**Futaba:** Ryuji is being straight oh shit.

**Yusuke:** Akira is not my boyfriend.

**Gay** **™:** yusuke... bby... I thought we had something...

**Ann:** Well, ignoring those two being gay, does in half an hour work for you?

**Gay** **™:** yusuke i know you love me just admit it

**Ryuji:** guys, that's so gay.

**Ryuji:** half an hour works for me, ann!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUOTE WALL:  
> Hru


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Personas being able to appear in real life was inspired by another fic, just throwing this out there.

**Akira:** haru what would you do if there were two makotos

**Haru:** praise jesus hallelujah i would s m a s h

**Futaba:** …Don’t you do that anyways?

**Haru:** BUT SMASHING T W O. LIKE D A A A A A A M N. HAVE YOU S E E N MY BABY GIRL MMmMmMmMMMMMMmM

**Akira:** guys but like

**Akira:** have you ever looked at your personas

**Makoto:** Um… yes?

**Akira:** no like

**Akira:** in  _ that  _ way

**Ann:** No.

**Makoto:** We are not continuing this discussion.

**Akira:** whats carmen like

**Ann:** AKIRA. NO.

**Haru:** akira just go fuck yusuke instead of arsene k thanks bye

**Akira:** i  _ haven’t _ fucked arsene oh my g o d

**Ryuji:** yet

**Akira:** are you implying you know what it feels like

**Akira:** and have therefore fucked captain kidd?

**Ryuji:** bitch

**Ryuji:** I WONT FUCK CAPTAIN KIDD

**Ryuji:** ann, however *tongue click*

**Makoto:** Churches are supposed to be holy. Don’t do this, Ryuji.

**Haru:** anyway akira i’m kidnapping the cat

**Akira:** wait what

**Morgana:** HERLPSS THEW WSDOSMA JAS GOTY EM, IO HER CLUTCHES

**Ann:** “Help, this woman has got me in her clutches.”

**Morgana:** ntot ythasty i mdind but SDTILL

**Ann:** “Not that I mind but STILL.”

**Haru:** hush little kitty don’t say a word

**Haru:** harus gonna buy you some sushi

**Morgana:** AAKRUIA I AMSD ADOPTYINMGH TGHJIS WOAMNA

**Ann:** “Akira I am adopting this woman.”

**Akira:** you furry traitor

**Haru:** what if someone just kinda

**Haru:** fainted in the middle of their awakening

**Haru:** and their persona’s just like

**Haru:** “i am thou, thou art- goddammit”

**Akira:** did you mean author mememura *looks into the camera like im on the office*

**Haru:** ...what?

**Haru:** i didnt faint in my awakening

**Haru:** and im not an author

**Haru:** or or or

**Haru:** if you slept through your awakening

**Akira:** like a certain brown-haired author i know?

**Makoto:** ???

**Akira:** no not yu

**Akira:** *you

**Ryuji:** who the eff is yu

**Akira:** that kid from yasogami high

**Futaba:** Oh, you mean Yu Narukami AKA Souji Seta? Leader of that group of kids who saved the world five or so years ago with their Personas?

**Haru:** what the fuck futaba

**Futaba:** Haru.

**Futaba:** Haru Okumura.

**Futaba:** I’m a hacker.

**Haru:** i got full named

**Haru:** shit

**Haru:** im fleeing the country

**Makoto:** Haru, no. Haru, come- Haru stop packing a sui- HARU.

**Akira:** ryuji lets go grab popcorn

**Ryuji:** hell yeah

**Ann:** He likes the extra buttery popcorn, if you didn’t know.

**Yusuke:** Ann, how did you know this? I thought you two went to the diner.

**Ann:** We did.

**Akira:** did ryugay get some

**Ryuji:** NO! why would you effin assume that

**Akira:** bc ur ryugay

**Ryuji:** we went on a second date, dumbass

**Ann:** Mhmm.

**Makoto:** …Is it official yet?

**Ann:** No.

**Akira:** dont get our hopes up >: ε

**Ryuji:** i mean…

**Ryuji:** ann, wanna go grab something to eat and then stargaze @ the park?

**Ann:** Pick me up at seven.

**Akira:** …………

**Akira:** h e s g r o w i n g u p : O

* * *

Ryuji smiled as he looked up to the night sky, the small twinkling orbs catching his eye almost immediately. “The stars are beautiful tonight.”

“They sure are.”

“You know what else is beautiful?”

“Dessert.”

“Tsk, tsk, the blond one is quite cute, but I see that your love for desserts surpasses even your love for him.” Carmen let out a quiet laugh as she appeared behind Ann.

Carmen had done Ann a startle. The model jolted up, twisting to look at her Persona. “Carmen?! How the  _ fuck _ are you here?!”

“My, my, a Persona never tells their secrets.”

“We just do,” Captain Kidd shrugged, messing up Ryuji’s hair.

“...I’ve seen so much shit, yet my mind cannot comprehend this!” Ann crossed her arms, looking to Carmen for an explanation.

Carmen patted her human’s head. “Ryuji, dear, why not take Ann out to a nice dinner? …Scratch dinner, dessert.”

Ann choked on air. “This may be a date, but stargazing is perfectly fine!”

“Ryuji needs to up his game.” Captain Kidd leaned down. “Get soooooooome.”

Carmen backhanded the pirate. “They’re underage.”

“They’re sixteeeeeeen, lighten up a bit, will ya?”

* * *

**Ann:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Morgana:** ;ADYT ANANBS WHATS WETONG

**Ann:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Haru:** is she okay

**Ann:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Akira:** ??? ann whos murdering you

**Ann:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Ryuji:** so carmen showed up

**Ryuji:** and captain kidd

**Ryuji:** ck saiid something that was implied nsfw

**Ryuji:** ann is not okay

**Ryuji:** please help her

**Akira:** oh so its not just arsene that does that?

**Ryuji:** nah

**Haru:** Milady does it too

**Makoto:** Johanna does as well.

**Futaba:** Necronomicon hasn’t but oh boy.

**Ann:** I’m suffering.

**Ryuji:** :,)))))))))))))

**Ryuji:** im sorry hes like this

**Ryuji:** i wouldnt do anything without permission anyways

**Futaba:** Plus, you’re sixteen.

**Ann:** …Doesn’t mean nothing couldn’t happen.

**Futaba:** What.

**Ann:** I plead the fifth.

**Akira:** get someeeeeeeeee

**Futaba:** Akira. Akira, no.

**Akira:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Ann:** That’s how you treat your little sister?

**Akira:** shes not my little sister

**Akira:** ...i mean yeah she is but the rest of you arent

**Akira:** and then theres yusuke

**Akira:** *whistles* has anyone ever looked at fox’s booty

**Akira:** his tail draws attention to it and daaaaamn is it fine

**Yusuke:** Akira, I hardly think this is an appropriate discussion to have.

**Futaba:** …Get out of this good Christian household.

**Akira:** futabs you’re not a christian

**Futaba:** Get out of this good household.

**Akira:** youre not good

**Futaba:** Get out of this household.

**Akira:** we’re not in one

**Futaba:** GET OUT.

**Futaba:** I, Futaba Sakura, am evicting you from this household.

**Akira:** fuck

**Ryuji:** what did you effin say

**Akira:** shit

**Ryuji:** thats what i thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QOUTE WALL:  
> Akira: no like  
> Akira: the blonde bitch that we’re kins of
> 
> joker is gay as fuck (dark atlus show me the forbidden yusuke romance route)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for who the traitor is so if you wanna remain unspoiled skip this chapter.

Akira really didn’t need to see this. He just wanted to fuse new Personas, goddammit.

“When I was your age-” Caroline was saying to Justine, going on a rant about… something. Akira really didn’t know.

“Caroline, you’re half a second older than me,” Justine interrupted quietly.

She was ignored.

Akira sighed and resigned himself to a wait.

* * *

 **Akira:** It’s been such a drag lately…

 **Ryuji:**  whats been a drag?   
  
**Futaba:** Maybe he’s talking about drag queens

 **Ryuji:** please…. dont remind me…

 **Akira:** also against my better judgement theres someone i wanna add

 **Akira** has added **Goro Akechi** to the conversation.

 **Goro Akechi:** Hello, everyone.   
  
**Ryuji:** NO

 **Ryuji:** NONONONONONONONONO

 **Akira:** If you go a whole 24 hours with Goro in the chat I'll buy you really expensive ramen.

 **Ryuji:** no

 **The Trash Man:** I know I have done horrible things to you all, but I wish to redeem myself.   
  
**The Trash Man:** Futaba-chan, why did you change my name?

 **Futaba:** Fuck off.

 **Ann:** Futaba, be nice! He's trying to redeem himself.

 **Futaba:** If you’re going to defend him you can also fuck off Ann.

 **Morgana:** DONY5 TYBE RUDE TOG AL;DFADY AANNSS

 **Akira:** “Daddy Ann”?

 **Morgana:** NO

 **The Trash Man** has changed his name to **Goro Akechi.**

 **Futaba:** I'm gonna kick him.

 **Akira:** Futabs. Futabs.

 **Akira:** Futaba.

 **Akira:** Futaba Sakura.

 **Akira:** Don’t kick the trash man.

 **Futaba:** Can I kick a trash can?

 **Akira:** sure

 **Futaba** has kicked **Ryuji** from the conversation.

 **Akira:** not him

 **Makoto** has added **Sae Niijima** to the conversation.

 **Makoto:** SHIT WRONG PERSON HI SIS BYE SIS

 **Makoto** has kicked **Snake Niijima** from the conversation.

 **Goro Akechi:** Sae-san is a lovely person.

 **Makoto:** No.

 **Mako-chan** has added **Ryuji** to the conversation.

 **Mako-chan:** Futaba.

 **Haru:** ♡

 **Mako-chan:** Wait what?!

 **Haru:** Love you, Mako!

 **Mako-chan** has kicked **Haru** from the conversation.

 **Akira** has added **Coffee Dad™** to the conversation.

 **Akira:** OH UH HEY DAD

 **Futaba:** Hey dad.

 **Ryuji:** hey daddy

 **Goro Akechi:** Hello, Sakura-san.

 **Coffee Dad™:** …Futaba.

 **Futaba:** I did nothing, dad.

 **Futaba:** It was Akira.

 **Coffee Dad™:** Futaba, you're sleeping at LeBlanc tonight.

 **Futaba:** What?! No! I'm not staying with him!

 **Coffee Dad™:** You two better not be dating.

 **Futaba:** Ew! I'd be more likely to date Inari!

 **Coffee Dad™:** Who's Inari?

 **Art Thot:** Me, sir.

 **Akira:** Did you change your name to that or did Futabs? If you did, I love you even more.

 **Akira:** I MEAN WHAT I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL HI DAD.

 **Futaba:** Ew.

 **Futaba:** Just kidding.

* * *

**Akira ---- > Futaba**

**Futaba:** WHAT DO WE DO?!

 **Akira:** I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. I WASN'T _PLANNING_ ON COMING OUT TO HIM.

 **Futaba:** THINK OF SOMETHING QUICK. YOU'RE FUCKED OTHERWISE!

 **Akira:** I _KNOW_ BUT WHAT DO I SAY?!

 **Futaba:** JUST SAY YOU'RE CLOSE FRIENDS!

 **Akira:** I COULD DO THAT BUT- FUCK THE CHAT NAME!

 **Futaba:** FUCK!

 **Akira:** MAYBE IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE IT?!   
  
**Futaba:** THAT’LL JUST DRAW ATTENTION

 **Futaba:** LEAVE IT AS IS AND PRAY TO GOD HE DOESN’T NOT- **_SHIT_ **

* * *

**Coffee Dad™:** “Phantom Thieves”?

 **Art Thot:** We're big fans.

 **Ryuji:** no illegal activity to be found here sir nope we're just being phantom thieves!

 **Akira:** RYUJI

 **Art Thot:** SAKAMOTO.

 **Futaba:** YOU

 **Ann:** HAD

 **Makoto:** ONE

 **Morgana:** JBB.

 **Goro Akechi:** It was at this point Ryuji Sakamoto knew, he fucked up.

 **Coffee Dad™:** You're in on this too?

 **Goro Akechi:** Technically, yes.

 **Coffee Dad™:** Judging by your reactions, you're the Phantom Thieves?

 **Akira** has kicked **Coffee Dad™** from the conversation.

 **Ryuji:** _eff_

 **Akira:** coming out of my cage and I'm doing fucking horrible how was your day

 **Futaba:** That feeling when you come out as gay and a Phantom Thief to your dad.

 **Akira:** i cant wait to leave

 **Futaba:** You're staying here.

* * *

“Futaba, I have a question.” Sojiro leaned against the door frame.

“I'm going to LeBlanc.” Futaba grabbed her laptop bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

“You can in a few minutes. What was that Skype group ab-”

“I'm gay, bye.” Futaba attempted to push past her dad™.

“Futaba, seriously. What was that chat about?” Sojiro’s figure took up the door.

“I don't know, they're being idiots.” Futaba huffed, crossing her arms.

“Your reactions really showed you were the Phantom Thieves,” Sojiro pointed out.

“Dad, it was _nothing_ , now I'm going to LeBlanc, goodbye.”

* * *

 **Futaba** : Sometimes I wish I had the capacity to hate dad.

 **Akira** : you and me both, sis. you almost here?

 **Futaba** : Yeah, be there in five.

 **Ryuji:** she seems down

 **Ann:** Truly.

 **Haru:** hey so

 **Haru:** m’lady

 **Makoto:** No.

 **Haru:** princess.

 **Makoto:** Haru.

 **Haru:** my one and only.

 **Makoto:** Haru Okumura.

 **Haru:** babe

 **Makoto:** What.

 **Haru:** ♡

 **Ryuji:** thats gay

 **Haru:** idk what else you were expecting

 **Akira:** hey floofy hair haru

 **Haru:**?

 **Akira:** werent you like

 **Akira:** really proper when you first joined

 **Akira:** what the hap fuckened

 **Haru:** Mako-chan happened.

 **Ryuji:** you mean effened?

 **Haru:** She took that last drop of innocence

 **Futaba:** WHAT DID I TUNE INTO?!

 **Makoto:** HARU THERE ARE SMALL CHILDREN HERE.

 **Akira:** sorry futabs

 **Makoto:** BY SMALL CHILDREN I MEAN EVERYONE THAT ISN’T YOU AND ME.

 **Akira:** *deep breath*

 **Akira:** boi

 **Haru:** We are a year your senior!

 **Haru:** Also let me live, Mako-chan!

 **Makoto:** No.

 **Makoto:** Not when you are ruining the purity of small children.

 **Haru:** Akira ain't fucking pure. Neither is Ryuji! Or Yusuke, or Ann!

 **Akira:** you should meet caroline and justine if you wanna wreck the innocence of small children

 **Art Thot:** Are those kids you babysit?

 **Akira:** apparently its more like they babysit me

 **Akira:** to which i say

 **Akira:** touche

 **Futaba:** What the hell?

 **Akira:** their actual babysitter is a weird gremlin with a fifty foot nose

 **Ann** : I'm taking the emergency exit to this conversation now bye.

 **Akira** : i think caroline is into some... _things_

 **Akira** : she keeps calling me inmate

 **Haru** : Mako-chan. I'm going to your place instead of being here byyyyye.

 **Futaba** : Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

 **Haru** : Like what, get laid?

 **Futaba** : Take that back.

 **Haru** : Who'd you even fuck? Necronomicon?

 **Futaba** : I'd be more likely to fuck… Hgn, Akechi.

 **Goro Akechi** : You realize I’m still in the chat, right?

 **Futaba** : SHIT.

 **Goro Akechi** : I am surprised you didn’t pick one of your non-traitorous teammates to be your example.

 **Akira** : she thinks you're kinda attractive

 **Futaba** : Kill me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUOTE WALL:
> 
> Futaba has licked Ryuji


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cameos by some Persona 4 and 2 characters, and Persona 3 and 1 mentions.

**Goro Akechi:** Hm, well I am quite flattered. 

**Futaba:** Don't even. 

**Goro Akechi:** How come?

**Futaba:** I'm at LeBlanc. Goodnight. 

**Ann:** I miss so much while I'm at photoshoots. 

**Akira:** we're going to mementos tomorrow

**Akira** : oh

**Akira** : right

**Akira** has added  **Haru** to the conversation.

**Haru:** So what did I miss?

**Haru:** Oh, nevermind. Chat history. 

**Ryuji:** youre in for an effin ride reading through it haru

**Akira:** also futaba is screm into my shoulder

**Akira:** shes not okay

**Haru:** I wouldn't be either. Rip Futaba 2k17. 

**Akira:** “I just wanna sleep at this point.”

**Haru:** Also I just finished reading the chat history.

**Haru:** Is he gonna be more mad about the Phantom Thief thing or the gay thing?

**Akira:** gay

**Futaba:** Gay.

**Morgana:** HGAYA.

**Akira:** futabs and i are gonna head to bed, night guys

**Haru:** night!

* * *

Akira awoke early the next morning, smiling to see his little sister still asleep next to him. “You sleep so much,” he chuckled quietly to himself, stroking her hair slowly.

There was a cough from the doorway.

_ SHIT. _

“Akira, Futaba, we need to talk,” Sojiro announced.

Futaba groaned, turning her head to look at Sojiro. “ _ What _ ?” 

“First, are you  _ sure  _ you're not dating?”

“YES.” The “siblings” said in near unison. 

“Second,  _ both  _ of you are gay?” The coffee house owner shook his head. “Futaba, I thought I raised you better than that.”

“There's a lot of cute girls around Shibuya,” Futaba protested, not having moved from Akira's chest. 

“I raised you to like males.”

“I raised myself to like more than one gender.”

* * *

**Futaba:** I want to throw myself off of a building.

**Futaba:** Dad interrogated us for twenty minutes and I'm pissed. 

**Haru:** Eesh… He's being really stubborn about the homosexuality, huh?

**Futaba:** Yes and I just want to d i e. Also! He keeps asking if Akira and I are dating! Fuck no! He's my brother. 

**Akira:** One of my older brothers has a friend who’s dating a woman they call their “Big Sis” but still.

**Yusuke:** Akira, you have a brother?

**Akira:** Four older brothers and an older sister. And an older cousin.

**Haru:** Oh! My older sister knows your brother Souji I think! 

**Makoto:** …I'm stuck with Sae.

**Akira:** Hold on do you guys wanna meet my best brother™? He's a bit quiet at first, but once he gets to know you he's a giant meme.

**Yusuke:** That sounds so much like my brother’s boyfriend.

**Makoto:** Oh, shouldn't we make a new chat? I mean, this is for the Phantom Thieves. 

**Akira:** I mean… all my siblings have Personas, but you’re right.

**Makoto:** WHAT?!

* * *

**Why Does Akira Have So Many Siblings**

**Akira:** Futaba, that’s mean.

**Futaba:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Akira:** Anyway I’m gonna add the best brother™

**Akira** has added  **Tatsugay** to the conversation.

**Tatsugay:** Akira, I didn’t know you had friends.

**Futaba:** He really doesn't. I'm a stand in sister™ and even then I'm not a friend.

**Tatsugay:** You’re replacing Kotone, Akira?

**Akira:** ...I take back the “quiet” part.

**Akira:** Why must you roast me like this.

**Tatsugay:** I mean… my Persona IS fire.

**Ann:** You and I are gonna get along well.

**Tatsugay:** If I were straight, here’s where I’d make a fire pick-up line.

**Morgana:** STAYASS AWAYS FOERDM KLADSY ANN

**Tatsugay:** Aki can you tell your cat I’m gay.

**Akira:** Morgana Tatsuya is gay.

**Makoto:** So… you have a Persona? You fight Shadows in the Metaverse too?

**Tatsugay:** Demons in the real world.

**Tatsugay:** Futaba do you need another older brother to help you roast Aki btw

**Akira:** WHAT?!

**Futaba:** Hell yeah. 

**Tatsugay:** Adopted. 

**Akira:** Tatsuya what the f r i c k e r i n o p a l e r i n o I TRUSTED you.

**Tatsugay:** Aki all of us except for Katsuya roast you in our chat.

**Tatsugay:** Oh yeah Katsu and I are coming over this weekend.

**Tatsugay:** Oh, and I’m adding in Souji.

**Akira:** DO NOT

**Haru:** I'm adding Rise!

**Akira:** N O.

**Tatsugay** has added  **Souji/Yu** to the conversation.

**Souji/Yu:** Souji or Yu?

**Tatsugay:** Souji.

**Souji/Yu** has changed their display name to  **Souji.**

**Haru** has added  **Haru fuck off** to the conversation.

**Souji:** Hi, Rise.

**Haru fuck off:** Hey!

**Akira:** Hey do you guys have any photos of Mitsuru? I heard she’s attractive enough to turn gay guys straight.

**Makoto:** Wait, why is my girlfriend being told to fuck off?

**Haru fuck off:** WAIT

**Haru fuck off:** HARU OKUMURA

**Haru fuck off:** YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!

**Haru:** You jelly?

**Haru fuck off:** I’M TELLING YUKINO AND MITSURU

**Haru:** DON'T, I WILL DIE

**Haru fuck off:** I JUST TOLD MITSURU SHE SAYS SHE’LL BE IN SHIBUYA BY TOMORROW MORNING

**Haru:** Mako-chan I'm staying over tonight because I'll be dead tomorrow

**Haru fuck off:** YUKINO’S COMING TOO FOR SOME REASON

**Goro Akechi:** Yukino? Yukino Mayuzumi?

**Futaba:** AKIRA WHY DID YOU ADD HIM TO THIS CHAT AS WELL!

**Akira:** love you futabs

**Haru fuck off:** Oh, do you know her?

**Goro Akechi:** Isn’t she an apprentice photographer?

**Haru fuck off:** Yeah?

**Goro Akechi** has added  **Maya** to the conversation.

**Tatsugay:** Oh, hi Big Sis.

**Maya:** Hello, Tatsuya!

**Haru fuck off:** HOW DO YOU KNOW MY OLDEST SISTER’S BEST FRIEND?!

**Maya:** Goro’s my brother!

**Futaba:** …

**Futaba** has left the conversation.

**Maya:** …?

**Goro Akechi:** ...I kinda betrayed them.

**Maya:** Now, Goro, what have I told you about betraying people?

**Goro Akechi:** ...that it’s bad and I shouldn’t do it?

**Maya:** Precisely!

**Haru:** How is  _ this _ your sister? She's awesome.

**Akira** has added  **Futaba** to the conversation.

**Futaba:** I REFUSE TO BE IN A CHAT WITH TWO OF THEM.

**Haru:** Maya seems cool.

**Futaba:** Ugh.

**Tatsugay:** Just be glad Jun isn’t here.

**Tatsugay:** He’d go off on you for insulting Big Sis Maya.

**Maya:** I would stop him head on. She has rights to be worried.

**Yusuke:** Jun?

**Tatsugay:** My sweet, precious flower child of a boyfriend.

**Yusuke:** Jun Kurosu?

**Tatsugay:** Oh, you know him?

**Yusuke:** ...he’s my  _ brother. _

**Tatsugay:** Aki, I’m dating your boyfriend’s brother and I’m not sorry.

**Haru:** I tune into this while I’m on the way to Mako-chan’s. ~The more you know~

**Haru fuck off:** You’re still gonna die sis

**Haru:** I k n o w

* * *

“Mako-chan, why did I add Rise again?” Haru hid her face in a pillow, groaning out.

“Why  _ did  _ you add Rise?” Makoto gently rubbed her girlfriend’s back, sighing. “If you need me to defend you from your sisters, let me know.”

“You’re amazing, but Mitsuru will kill you.”

“... Is there any way to avoid dying?” Makoto lied next to Haru.

“Prove to them you’re a great girl, truly. I know you are, but they are too overprotective.” 

* * *

**Tatsugay:** So, Akira.

**Akira:** ???

**Akira:** WAIT SHIT DID YOU FULL FIRST NAME ME

**Tatsugay:** Ready to get roasted?

**Akira:** NO

**Tatsugay:** You’ve got the lowest of all five stats

**Souji:** But your hair looks great

**Futaba:** So there’s that. 

**Tatsugay:** But on Kotone’s behalf, “Mitsuru still wouldn’t date you.”

**Akira:** T-T

**Futaba:** Also, that one time you had a harem going?

**Futaba:** Yeeeah, all out of pity.

**Tatsugay:** Damn, sounds like Aki~ra!

**Akira:** did u fucking just

**Akira:** singsong me

**Futaba:** He did, and I’m doing that to you 24/7 now.

**Akira:** fucking fuckity fuck fuckface

**Ryuji:** watch your effing language!

**Akira:** effing effity eff effface

**Futaba:** Love you too, Aki~ra!

**Souji:** Siblinghood ended with Akira, Futaba is my new sister now.

**Futaba:** I’m down.

**Akira:** im disowning all of you

**Tatsugay:** Aki you’re already disowned you can’t disown us.

**Akira:** Did Katsuya and Naoya agree to this?!   
  
**Tatsugay:** lmao Katsu didn’t but Naoya did. Kotone and Minato too.

**Futaba:** Where do you guys live?

**Tatsugay:** Well, Katsu and I are in Sumaru City.

**Futaba:** Brb, moving to Sumaru City.

**Akira:** ill tell dad

**Futaba:** Bye, already on the subway.

**Tatsugay:** We’ve got a room you can use

**Akira:** thats  _ my  _ room

**Tatsugay:** Futaba’s now

**Tatsugay:** Oh, and mind the cat and dog.

**Souji:** With the cat, do you mean Katsuya or the actual cat?

**Tatsugay:** Yes.

**Ryuji:** in the arms of the angels @ akira

**Author's Note:**

> QUOTE WALL:
> 
> Excuse you, I am L;ADDAY AANNS  
> I am totally gay for Ryuji but straight for Ann, goodbye. ~ ☆♂$ Kurusu  
> Haru has added Haru: nani the f u c K


End file.
